Everything The Same

 I’m going to post here the email I wrote to you that keeps getting returned to me.  I hope you will read it someday.
I know you have a lot going on.  But I could take your mind off it if you’d let me.  You don’t have to ignore me.  I don’t want you to.  The “ghosting” email was insensitive.  I realize that now.  I was hoping it would make you laugh.  I was trying to make light of the situation so you would not think I gave one single fuck about it.  Because I don’t.  I don’t care about anything that happened (other than how it affects you) so if you’re feeling shame or guilt or whatever…don’t. I have a thing for degenerates (I don’t think you are one, by the way.  I’m only playing with you).  But degenerates are my absolute fucking jam.

I have “it” for you.  In the worst way.  I don’t know how it’s possible to care about someone you’ve never met in the flesh but here I am.   Caring about you.   If I’d been there when you came home, I would have hugged you so hard, made you a hot plate after your shower (or drew you a hot bath and got in with you to rub your shoulders) and put you to bed so you could rest.  Maybe I’d make fun of you a little too because what’s life if we can’t laugh at ourselves?

Nothing’s changed so don’t go acting like it has.
I did remove a few lines in the event anyone other than you might actually read this.  Some things are private and should stay between us (I’ll let you use your imagination as to what they were).

I didn’t say this in the email but had I been there that night, I would have met you there and held your hand.  I’d never let you go through that alone.  Never.


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