Man, I keep trying to climb up out of this hole I’ve fallen into but every time I feel like I’ve found a good grip, my hand or my foot slips on something and I plummet back down to the bottom. I don’t know who is going to come along and save us because, clearly, we are no longer in a position to save each other. If I’m down here in this hole, how will I ever get to you in your canyon over there?
I don’t know what to do.
There is just this vast expanse of nothing as far as I can see.
You made me feel things that I thought had died. I’m not even exaggerating. They were dead. They had been in the process of dying the day Max’s dad walked into my life. He killed me. I let him. I was the host. He was the parasite. My grandmother, when she was alive, used to say “He’s just a survivor. He just survives.” She was right. He sucked every last drop out of me. Then he left. I was a carcass. He was a tic. I was dead.
And then along comes you. Out of the blue.
You brought me back to life. You don’t know that you did that. I was stupid happy over you. Crazy, mad, stupid happy. I tried to play it cool when I would talk to you. Sometimes, I’d wait hours to reply to your emails so you wouldn’t think I was too eager. God, what a dumbass. I had no idea what was coming. If I had known, I wouldn’t have waited a second. And I certainly would not have given you my number and told you to call me the next day. I would have told you to call me right then.
Hindsight and all that bullshit.
Anyway, I’m just gonna hang out here in this hole for a while longer I guess. I’ve been down here all week. Maybe I can tunnel my way out like Andy Dufresne did in The Shawshank Redemption. You be Red and meet me on that beach near Acapulco when you get out of your canyon. Wait for me if you get there first.
P.S. Taj Mahal is going to be in your neck of the woods in February (I was looking for a show to go to for my birthday and was hoping he’d be close to me). You should go see him. He’s coming to New Orleans in April, I think. That’s not much of a drive for me so maybe I’ll go then. I doubt he’ll be touring much longer.