I’ve been thinking about this a lot. 

What is it?  
I forgot. 
But it’s been on my mind.  
A lot.  
Like all the time, 24/7, constantly, non-stop, and without fail.
I can’t tell you what it is because I don’t really know.  
It’s always just in there.  
Inside my brain.  
Maybe inside my heart.  
Maybe inside my fingertips.  
Maybe in the very air I breathe.

It’s life.  

It’s dust.  
It’s nothing.  
It’s everything.  
It’s all of the things and it’s none of the things.  
It’s the sum and the difference of us.

I’ve been around long enough to know some things I shouldn’t and to not know some things I should.  A lot of the former but mostly the latter.

I’ve given up on the idea of us.

I hope you find your happiness.  Truly and from the bottom of my soul.  Thank you for talking to me.

For N:

You seem like you might exist on a higher plane than me and I don’t know what to do with that because I’ve never met another person as evolved as I like to think I am and if that sounds vain then that wasn’t my intention but people are mean and cruel and selfish.  But not you.  You are none of those things.  You are the opposite of all of that.  

Thank you.  You don’t even know what you did.  I’ve never fully told you the story of me but you somehow see things anyway and I can’t figure out how you do that.    

You are brilliant, bold, beautiful.

And I love watching you shine there in the light.

You are just a boy made of clay.  That’s what you like to tell me when your brilliance blinds me.

You are so much more than clay.