In Between Days

I’m really struggling lately.

I didn’t want to tell you this because I don’t want you to worry.

This rope I’ve got tied around me while I dangle over the edge of this canyon is starting to fray and I don’t know how much longer it will hold.

I should have brought reinforcements but I didn’t know.

I didn’t know you may not be coming back.  It never occurred to me you might just stay down there.  Out of my reach.

I’m sorry.

I don’t know why any of this happened or why I wasn’t even worth a Fuck You.

I’d take a Fuck You over this nothing.

And I’m not trying to make you feel bad or guilty but if you had any idea how much I still think of you, how you still make my insides tremble and my eyes glaze over, you’d gladly give me that Fuck You on a silver platter and present it to me on your hands and knees so that I may take it and gain the strength to move on from you.

Except I don’t really want to move on from you.

I may be the dumbest person you’ve never met.  I may be the dumbest person I’ve ever met.

Who pines away for someone they’ve never known and only shared a couple of months of conversation with?  Honestly.

Who resurrects a dead blog to write to said person on an almost daily basis?

I am completely pathetic and ashamed of myself and yet I can’t seem to stop coming here.
My heart still beats for you.  When will it stop?

I feel hopeless and tired.

Anyway, here’s Solsbury Hill because I fucking love this song and I don’t even know what the fuck it means.  Every time I hear it, I’m transported to a place I’ve never even fucking been.