I’m really struggling lately.
I didn’t want to tell you this because I don’t want you to worry.
This rope I’ve got tied around me while I dangle over the edge of this canyon is starting to fray and I don’t know how much longer it will hold.
I should have brought reinforcements but I didn’t know.
I didn’t know you may not be coming back. It never occurred to me you might just stay down there. Out of my reach.
I don’t know why any of this happened or why I wasn’t even worth a Fuck You.
I’d take a Fuck You over this nothing.
And I’m not trying to make you feel bad or guilty but if you had any idea how much I still think of you, how you still make my insides tremble and my eyes glaze over, you’d gladly give me that Fuck You on a silver platter and present it to me on your hands and knees so that I may take it and gain the strength to move on from you.
Except I don’t really want to move on from you.
I may be the dumbest person you’ve never met. I may be the dumbest person I’ve ever met.
Who pines away for someone they’ve never known and only shared a couple of months of conversation with? Honestly.
Who resurrects a dead blog to write to said person on an almost daily basis?
I am completely pathetic and ashamed of myself and yet I can’t seem to stop coming here.
My heart still beats for you. When will it stop?
I feel hopeless and tired.
Anyway, here’s Solsbury Hill because I fucking love this song and I don’t even know what the fuck it means. Every time I hear it, I’m transported to a place I’ve never even fucking been.