An Open Door

I’ve had this song on repeat for the past several days.  Like a week straight.   I can’t stop listening to it in my car when I’m finally alone, after I’ve dropped Max off at school and am driving to work.  Or in the afternoons when I’m running around to different places.  My car is still my favorite place to listen to music.  I don’t have the luxury of putting in ear phones and tuning out the world when I’m at home. My car is my alone time.  That’s why I get to Max’s school 30 minutes early in the afternoons.  It’s the only part of my day that I’m truly alone and no one can reach me.  Well, they can reach me but I can’t do anything about it if they need me because I’m boxed in between a bunch of other cars and I can’t get out.  (Obviously, if there was an emergency I’d find a way out.)  Sometimes I listen to music while I wait, sometimes I read, sometimes I play a game, sometimes I take a nap.  Sometimes I stare off into space and think about all the things I’ve wanted to think about all day.  Never ever ever ever do I talk on my phone or text.  I think about you a lot sometimes while I’m sitting there.  I used to read your emails while I waited.  It was always one of the highlights of my day.  Especially when they were extra juicy.  I felt naughty and that felt good.

Honestly, I’ve been at a loss for words lately.  I open a word document and I stare at it for a while and then I just close it.  I’ve wanted to write here to you but I don’t know what to say anymore.  You already know all the things inside my heart.  At least, I think you do.  Did I leave something out?  I can’t bring myself to go back and read any of the stuff I’ve written to you over these last couple of months.  I don’t want to know what I’ve said.  I’m sure it’s been too much at times and not enough at others.   

Anyway, be well.

My door is open anytime you want to walk back through it.

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